The New Rebellion. The Story of Mine.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” – Albert Camus

Every generation has one, some have multiple. My own individual rebellion has undergone several face-lifts, but the core idea and identity has remained.

Remember those times sitting at the lunch table in elementary and middle school with every one laughing about a tv show or movie that they watched the night before.  Of course you didn’t see it, but in an effort to be part of the crowd, you lie and laugh along. Then there is that one kid that calls you out and asks, “What happened next?” Remember that feeling of anxiety?

When I entered high school as the second youngest (thus shortest and highest voice) male, I was scared to death.  My years before, in middle school, were plagued with ridicule and nothing short of the kind of bullying that would make national headlines today.   I had nothing to my name in terms of teenage currency, e.g., popularity, athletics, friends, band or chorus, academics or honors, even the chess club didn’t want me (yes James, you were cooler than me.) At the same time, I was tired of trying to fit in.  Worn out.  Sick of lying to myself, pretending to be someone who I wasn’t.  Let me rephrase, I didn’t know who I was, but I was pretending to know.

What made me different?  What made it so hard to find a place in the social ladder, in the world as I knew it? I didn’t figure it out for a while, but I realized I hated being like everyone else.  To the point where I would intentionally sabotage my chances of fitting in. How?  I would sew my own pants with different color fabrics.  I would wear suspenders, but not over my shoulders.  I NEVER wore closed toe shoes and usually donned a pair of rubber flip-flops. I listened to music that no one liked, they couldn’t even pretend to like it if they wanted to.  Later I realized that I had become, in a natural and organic way, counter-culture.

As high school came to a close, the culture started to change.  People found out that my 4 years of not giving a shit about what they thought helped me to develop  my own personality.  So much so, the senior class voted me as “Best Personality.”  I attribute this to the fact that every one else was hell-bent on copying personalities to fit in that they never (and may not even now) knew who they were.  I faltered here.  I took advantage and used my new-found popularity to live the life I had always watched from the outside.  I dated my high school crush, ditched my old friends on our senior class trip and sat at the cool table at prom.  Imagine this, a guy that sews his own pants with different color fabrics, wearing extra-small t-shirts from goodwill, and dyed hair (Red one week, Blue the next, then black and maybe blond) hanging out with the cool kids. I sold out.

Learning from this after graduation, I rejected the norms in every way possible. I never took my SAT’s. I didn’t go to a typical 4 year college, I went to a 2 year art school.  I didn’t drive a used Honda, I drove a Saab (so ugly they are beautiful) and I totaled about 5 of them.  I didn’t party like my classmates, I was straight edge.

But I didn’t know what I stood for yet.  I didn’t have a purpose, an outlet or a reason for rejecting everything that everyone else did.  So I started searching for one.  I tried politics, that was awful, talk about having to fit into a mold.  I tried a job, this was a better effort, at least I could afford my gas.  I tried rejecting my own counter culture mentality.  This lead me to going back to school. Which caused me to spend my money and lose my job.  I was in the same place I was when I was a freshman in high school. Having nothing, confused as ever and facing a frightening world.

What did I do?  I stepped out. I moved away from home for the first time in my life.  Far away (12.5 hours.) I left my family and friends and found myself.  When you don’t have something filling every single space in your life, good or bad, it forces you to look at what is really there.  During this time, I developed my career, I found my wife, learned some things and actually was able to pin point my rebellion.

I define who I am by several different factors. I am always looking to smile.  I think everyone deserves 1000×10 to the 10th degree chances at life.  Love and compassion always wins. I want to help as many people as I can, even at the expense of myself and my resources.  I don’t really care what you think of me, but I care what you value.  I want to live a full life in every sense of the phrase; wealth (not at the expense of others,) happiness (possibly the most important,) and health.  I rebel every single day against every and anything that threatens my way of life.  I will never again try to fit into a mold or be defined by those around me.  My rebellion isn’t a single solid theme, it is a morphing idea that can shift with the changing culture and mounting pressures on living a normal life.

I am “counter-anything” that wants to put me in a box.

Advertisements

Yes, it is 2011!

Happy New Year!  This is going to be a GREAT year! You have to believe it to achieve it, say it again… “This is going to be a GREAT year!”

Ok, I am done with my super cheesy motivational speak for now.

In all seriousness, I am so happy that it’s 2011 because every year gets better.  There is always something new around the corner and everyday that I wake up is an opportunity to change my life and others lives around me.  The question becomes not “if” there is that opportunity, but when you see it, will you recognize it and how will you capitalize on it?

This is me wishing you the best and hoping you and I can take every chance we get to make this world better.

Talk to you soon!

This song…

There are things in life that change the way you view the world around you.  I seem to be having a few of those moments in my life recently and I want to share them with you as they happen.  It is all part of a traders life, growing and learning not just about the markets or bulls and bears, but taking life experience and injecting it into your strategy.  This, for me at least, is the only way I survive…

I am going to be exploring these ideas a lot more on this blog, along with returning to my daily and weekly set ups, but I think the whole person is important as well as the trading ideas.

This morning, I want to leave you with a song that I have been listening to over and over again.  I call it the “Inception” of songs, the lyrics are fascinating and life changing.  Listen to it here – read the lyrics below and explore the band Lydia… You don’t have to be a fan of the Genre, but their lyrics are beautiful.

ALWAYS MOVE FAST

BOY;
Can we take the streets? Because there’s a horrible crash.
Standing on the highway, a girl and her dad.
She says yeah,

GIRL;it’s far too much for me,
far too fast of scenery but your voice,

BOY;and your lips are moving words that cannot breach the noise.
Just remember always move fast.
We know you, we own you.
Go home and leave me at the door or we can stay outside of your house
and just wait for the morning.
I heard you can’t stay too long the morning’s got you worried.
Because the sun holds a sea of troubles and an early drive away.

Girl;So I guess I’ll just stay for a while I guess you knew just from how I smiled.

BOY;Because there’s no hurry more like fucking nursery I’m a beautiful child.
Just remember always move fast.
We know you, we own you.
Go home and leave me at the door or we can stay outside of your house
and just wait for the morning.
I’ve seen your sadness grow.
and it swallows these days until it hurts to breathe.
She whispers,

Girl;thanks for your time tonight,
but you are not awake yet you are not awake I swear.

Boy;She screams,

Girl;it’s all been in your dream with nothing tangible.
The girl, this house, the highway, your mind made it real.
Just remember always move fast